I spent the morning of my first official day of vacation and I say official, because not a lot to go to school, had exempted all my subjects, which meant two weeks of extra holidays, which really does not matter, the fact is that I spent my day, dehydrated, which in other words mean ... crying, crying because I was unhappy, I felt incomplete and unhappy, because I knew that something was missing, but the problem was that there were two people that I was away ... Jake and Edward, so that at one time seemed like an appropriate idea, now was not so bright for now did not know who actually missed ...
deep breath, filling my lungs with air, hoping to calm down and got it instantly, I felt more relaxed and the mind clear and calm, but clearly this was not the result of my strong physical and mental control, but was someone else's product ...
-Jasper ... whispered happens, the door opened and this lanky blond boy, who had met a couple of years ago through the door, his amber eyes looked at me and fluttered around the room, which clearly was a mess, and I suddenly realized the pathetic picture I took, I had not gotten out of bed unless it was necessary, my hair was messy, my bed tangled and tissues were scattered all the quilt.
"Hello Bella," he said while fiddling with his foot on the ground, their hands were on his back, probably while he thundered his knuckles because I could hear a slight pop, me sitting up in bed, leaning my back many pillows on which he was buried, patted the bed aside to sit down and I did the most to one side because I knew I had a hard time being near me, but having it with me helped me, for his gift, but also because Jasper exhasperante really was not as it was Alice, not too joker as was Emmet, or hated me as much as did Rosalie; clear that he was sure I could talk to Carlile or Esme, but even though I knew it was not true, I felt that they were not in my same frequency, were adults, well to be objective all of the Cullen clan was large enough to be dust ... but good that my I never minded.
"Thanks," I whispered softly.
- Why? - I asked as she sat on my bed.
"By your magic, to come, even if you do not required, but still thank you, because I need someone to talk to and really, really believe that the one to help me with my mental and emotional problems you ... Jasper just to be here, really thank you again smiled that dimpled smile. "When you smile I can see that seduced Alice Jasper, his eyes brightened when I mentioned, with that glint in his eye, that people show when they are happy, as I said, the eyes do not lie.
shook his head and still smiling at me - I did not come forced, I came because I wanted to see if I could help, even if alone with my ocus pocus *- took my hand and shook it a bit.
"Thank you returned the grip and let him have his hand on mine, because I knew they liked to feel the heat - not only for your emotional magic, but because it does much good to talk to someone," he I smiled.
-dressed, I take you somewhere, "he said, so fast that I thought really had not understood. "I'll give a moment he whispered as he stood up, I stopped.
"No need, stay here, I really need a bath, I got out of bed and opened my drawers drawing random clothes, my tennis shoes and socks and went to the bathroom.
While surrounded by warm water, I felt much better, somehow it was strange to be here in the bathroom, bathing as calm as usual, with a vampire, Edward was not in my room waiting to leave not even sure he had the bathroom, because he trusted in Jasper, really had demonstrated self-control should be very proud, confident in, I really did not matter to the incident that had begun with all the fuss of " I must leave for your own good "and had started my period dark as well in case it decided it was better to drink up to help me ... a lock would not help anything.
I dried my hair, brushed me, like teeth, changed and left the bathroom in my room, where Jasper was lying on my bed, face up with eyes closed and face relaxed, I stared at him and opened one eye.
"I'm ready I said, singing tone, to any other person who had tried to get me out of bed had rejected, beginning with Alice, who literally dragged me out of bed, changed me as if I were your wrist rag, but when I refused to remain standing, had no choice but to stay at home, but was very curious to see what I wanted to teach Jasper.
- Really? - Nodded and sat on the bed while razcaba head is strange not having to wait for a woman to be ready, Alice takes years to choose their clothes, Rosalie on the other hand, change a thousand times and take long to convince Esme to lose, I'm glad you're not so I smiled and shrugged my shoulders, I really applied a lot of that old saying "In the fashion that suits you," I used what made me feel comfortable and easily combined with all my jeans, and went down the stairs, but first course, leave a note for Charlie.
Jasper climbed into the car, a sleek silvery blue mercedes, put music in the car, The Beatles, The Cranberries, The Doors and similar artists, I knew it was influencing my emotions, but I was fine, because I like to feel light after days feeling very unhappy, it was something nice to feel good then go about my business, we do not want to think about that ... We arrived at Port Angeles, where I assumed it was the place I wanted to teach Jasper, but when I was still surprised, but we were not very far just on the outskirts of Port Angeles.
I got off the car and Jasper snorted because he had left open the door, but I really wanted to see where we were, was a golf club, was shocked, we had to rent clubs and the manager greeted by Jasper name, I did see I really liked golf, but I wondered why.
During the next two hours I discovered that golf is really boring, at least for me it is, but lots of fun with Jasper and I also discovered that he is damn good at it, I knew when he made a hole in one A perfect.
-Wow, I surprised, now is because you like, you're very good, "he said.
"You know Bella ... I like golf because it is the only sport that requires physical skill, golf is about to calculate, from smooth and firm in the coup, but not strength, is the only sport that I found in my "Nature "- simulating said the quotes in the air does not give me an advantage, I can play and challenge to anyone without feeling a cheater ... well this and pull, but since I consider it a bit vulgar and Alice hates it, then do not play, he shrugged, but then I started thinking it was true, all sports require some type of physical ability and because they are faster and strong, clearly was an advantage.
- What's in the cards, dominoes? -
"Well since I'm empathetic, I can feel your emotions and somehow also is cheating, I feel anxiety or apprehension when they foul play or hand, is equally trap shrugged.
- Bella who want to study? What do you want to be when you grow up? - Told me with a frown, really studying me with his eyes.
"I always wanted to be a psychologist, to help others, make a mark, it really was very interested in the work of Freud, to study the unconscious, which I think are the answers to the limitations of human-take of breath because he talked too fast, I always liked psychology, always thought it was helping and healing from within that would improve the decadent society in which we lived, always considered myself to do the job, I like to think I was able to help others because they are the inner demons destroy the most, I knew and wanted to be the person help to fight them, to eventually destroy them.
"You know that if you become a part of our family-me Jasper said seriously, you can not do, you may not be recognized, you can never be praised for a talent, something that really deserves to be appreciated, you always have to live in anonymity, because that's the only way to protect the secret, remain invisible you can never shine Bella shook her head and gently stroked my cheek with his thumb not get me wrong, I wish you were part of the family, I'd really like, but I think you deserve to know the whole truth, consider all aspects of this decision involves, you know all you need to know, "nodded, grateful for the sincere, raw and healthy but painful truth that it was necessary to calibrate the balance, so that is time to weigh and measure did not leave anything out.
"Thanks Jasper, I really do much good-I put my hand on his still caressing my cheek and walked off the field to go for a drink and continue talking, we sat at the table furthest from the restaurant , where we talked of pleasant things as commanded (well me) and then move on to a serious subject.
"You can never be a mother" has never wanted Bella? see how your memories and your very will last inside a little person who will always love you and love you, despite all the flaws you have, do not want to feel like that miracle comes in your body, as a life comes from you, do not want to feel the unique bond between father and son told me such grief that for a moment felt like her voice broke, playing with the napkin in my lap, because it was something I never raised.
-Yo ... Jasper do not know, I never thought, I spent most of my life being a mother ... I mean ... My mother's mother ... Renée was always so careless and crazy that I had to grow very early ... and become responsible ... I do not know if you want to do it again ... I'm not saying no, not that my mother was ill, well it was in some respects, but also the love ... it's just that ... simply I do not know ... I do not really know what being a mother because I never had one, Renee is rather something like a strange combination between a friend and what I suppose would be a brat ... I do not ... not a good mother, I scratched my neck, he did not know what else to say. He had grown up without a mother formally and without a father, I had one of the summers and when I turned 17 but did not really know what was to have real parents, I now realized that it had grown by inertia, rather than by someone. .. that sounded so sad ...
"Sorry," whispered
"Do not apologize, it's just that I did see something which until now had never noticed, I fastened my hair with a rubber band, because suddenly I felt something hot. "Go on please," I said.
-The inability to sleep ... is really a nuisance, no desire to know how to go to bed, close my eyes and disconnect from the problems that sometimes overwhelm me ... not have a moment of peace, escape, sometimes I really do not know what to do with so much free time, because you believe that Carlile is so erudite, it is because I have many years, which obviously has to do, but because has grown a lot, reads, but has too much free time, is the reason why Edward is so good musician, you have ample time to practice, but it really is boring, I have many years, too ... living one day, when I finished saying what I said so tired and scared.
"The next thing I will say is a bit cruel, but true Bella" I said, I was ready or so I thought "In a few years, some decades everyone you know will be dead, hurt, if that did, because it was so cruel, I fell like a dead weight in the stomach, heavy, thick and I swallowed a gesture to continue - but that's not all, you ... you can not see them in a couple of years, maybe a little more, because I notice it, notice that you do not change, they do not grow, those wrinkles that form, those memories on the skin, memories of joys, disappointments, do not leave a mark on you, you're frozen, trapped, and before that happens you will have to disappear, tears built up in my eyes because was inevitable I knew, I had always known, but Jasper did tell me it real and not just a product of my mental musings - you can not make friends that leave a mark on your life or theirs, because sooner or later have to disappear and it hurts, it hurts too much to get used to, you can never have a friend Bella, always will be just us, "he said as I looked, this time it was controlling my feelings, I noticed because hurt me and I assumed it was because he wanted me to assimilate, assimilate it complete with everything I had. "We and some others like us," he said as the waiter brought my order, but the truth is that I had been hungry.
After eating everything with great difficulty we went home, Jasper took me home and surprisingly for all that had happened today, it was still early, were not five.
-sorry I was so rude Bella "I reached out and took it.
"Okay," I said as he lowered the car.
-are also good things, "he said smiling, half smiling, because no dimples formed on his cheeks - to be with the person you love, money, eternal youth, which also is a son of a bitch" I smiled to hear him talk to grocery stores Jasper was always so quiet, which surprised me-vocabulary never taken seriously in a job or a loan, because although we can change roles, physically prevents us from lying too, so despite everything always "you are very young "- sigh - in the end I did my thing, calibrate the scale, at least on one side, now you need someone to help you calibrate the other hand, gave me a smile, then did the unthinkable, he hugged me, really did, was very quick and I felt I could not return because I was surprised, pleasantly surprised.
"I hope you make the right decision," he said as he descended the steps of the porch right for you-
"I hope also Jasper-entered the house and took the phone to call person to help me calibrate the other side.
***
walked across the room from my room anxious, not knowing what to think, Emily told me things, things I did not and was eternally grateful for being honest with me ...
"" Bella, I do not know how to tell you ... well you know that Sam was the boyfriend of my cousin Leah when I met her ... and you, good think I'm safe ... something like a stealing boyfriends or something, I shook my head, I knew the love they had Emily and Sam was very strong, something magic that bound them - is something called ... mark, looks like Bella did not work ... it's just happens to them, that is why Leah left because it was printed about me ... or whatever it is said, "I bit my lip, because it was too weird and scary What if Jake would one day from me? "And if they ever fell in love with another? if he left me for that pathetic excuse mark thing? "
I had not gone unnoticed that the thing does not age, it seems that only old, the only one that would grow and I was wilting, which really did not like, but Emily had told me that they could control or not that I was not convinced.
"You'll never leave here Bella, at least not permanently, they are tied to their roots, his land to his magic" always wanted to live here?
"Your children will like them, the gene does not always awake, but Jake has strong genes" I wanted my children to pass by Jake hated what?
had so many things on his mind was full of thoughts and emotions, my feelings added to the balance, but I was so confused and inundated with unanswered questions that did not really know what I wanted, I was so overwhelmed, I really jumped when a knock at the door.
"Go ahead, I said as I continued my walk around the room, my father was tea" That calmed my nerves, "he left on the desk and walked out, leaving me alone with my tangled thoughts and when I heard a knock on the shouted window, my heart started pounding as I saw the man coming through my window I had my answer, that he had expected for weeks because the guy who came through the window, was not what I expected ... And that's how I knew ... I knew she wanted to be ... so I knew who loved me she loved most have of myself.
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Phew ... ohhh was that if if was long, but already, I hope that has given them no slack read and comment ... are two Capistrano + the epilogue that will be my Christmas gift for you ... Thank
quierooo LAP: Baby you know I love a lot, I really happy life your comments and I never get tired of reading aunq say you always say the same thing, I am sorry that you're experiencing a hard time, but I hope you remember that good things always go bad, you always learn, I hope you find a quick solution and I hope you know that anything .... Here I am sending you a kiss and a hug.
MAQA: baby comes to an end .... two Capistrano + the epilogue ... still do not know how to hang do not kill me ... thanks for your comments and really follow this story I have no words to thank .....
* ocus pocus "You know lindoo referring to his power ... that that is empathetic
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